I Don’t Want to Quit, but…
The struggle is real. From waking up to every where in between, we ask ourselves, “how much longer can I keep doing this?” It’s such a strange question but entirely valid. Strange, because you love teaching! For so many reasons! You love putting lessons together knowing you’ve taken account of each specific child in your classroom-all the love you have poured into each and every tiny little detail! You can already see their faces and hear their learning and gratitude with giant smiles and excitement. You can feel the hugs you typically get when the kids are so overwhelmed with emotions that they can’t help but hug you so tight! And then it happens…dysregulation. A world that used to be manageable, is now astoundingly overwhelming. More children are exhibiting it and more children are incapable of returning to regulation and the more the days go on with these interruptions the less we have control over how to understand where to start. What is step one? How do we (teachers) continue in this position that we aren’t trained for these situations that leave us helpless, defeated, disappointed, scared, confused, and done?
First off, I am so sorry if you have experienced these as I have. I would love to say there aren’t many of us out here. I would also love to say, we have all the answers right here, so keep reading! But-what I can give you is my understanding which by all accounts should at the very least steer us in the right directions if we are still invested.
In order to grasp this explanation you must be aware and agree that we are (teachers, students, and parents) all human. Humans at different places and levels of understanding in our lives-that is all. But we are the same. As humans we all have the same chemical and biological make ups in our bodies that each take on an emotion and process them both chemically (internal) and externally. At our neutral state, a couple of things may happen, we may have a thought in our mind or hear a statement from the outside. When we take in this thought each one of us individually reacts-this is an emotional change in our bodies. When we have an emotion, it is considered “energy-in-motion.” What we do with this energy depicts our behaviors, demeanor, attitude, and responses. These responses, become our routines, sort of hard wired behavior because until someone or something comes along that can interrupt our way of processing these emotions and show us how to make a change or how to regulate them-we settle in and get comfortable with our minds choice in response. Bad, good, or otherwise, we get comfortable and sort of stuck. Until we are shown magic. Magical ways to make different choices that have magical outcomes. Easier outcomes. Ways to feel into these thoughts that become emotions and let them ride out to give ourselves validation and guidance.
Let me explain. Let’s say that little Emily in class today is given her normal reminders to clean up to get us onto the next project and instead of doing it like she normally does, she throws herself on the floor and as quickly as she did that she stands back up to throw all of her work and everyone else’s on the floor while she screams. You are awestruck and immediately jump into action. Partly because you don’t want it to get contagious but also because you genuinely want to help her. You know you need to figure out what happened and why this sudden tidal wave of emotions. So you ask the questions, try to eliminate possibilities, etc. However, over and over again things like this continue to happen. First it was Emily, and now it’s three more students in the classroom and no matter how hard you try, it only seems to get worse. You feel like that most of your time is spent putting out fires. Like you are standing at the dam and all of your fingers are plugging the water spouts and more and more cracks are happening right in front of you. This moment, this is when you think to yourself, “how much more do I really have to give? Am I doing a disservice to the children because I have no idea how to do this?
When we take into consideration what I mentioned before about each of us (children, teachers, and parents) being human we begin to realize…this must be a group effort. No more classic meetings without everyone on board, teachers, parents, and students should know and hear we are all on board with our message. BUT FIRST…we owe it to everyone involved to put ourselves first. Do we know how to regulate our own emotions? Can we get a hold of our stress and manage? How do we do this or not do this? We must first check in with our own resilience before we can expect to speak from a place of knowledgeable know how with our students and to parents to reinforce emotional regulation. I will say this, if you are considering leaving the field because of the dysregulation challenges, these steps must be taken.
Check in, Check out! Answer these questions, are you able to check in with your own emotions before reacting to a dysregulated situation? Are you in a negative thinking pattern loop? Are you able to regulate your emotions in a positive way-as if you were encouraging a child? When you approach a dysregulated situation in your classroom, are you doing from a heightened state of dysregulation yourself?
Do your students understand that their emotions (controlled or uncontrollable) are valid? Do they understand they don’t have to hide or fix their emotion only their reaction to them? How do you explain this to them?
MOST IMPORTANTLY-is this message the same across their boards? Do their parents validate their emotions? Or are they fighting with parental stigma (i.e., stop crying, you’re okay, or threats)? Do the other teachers in their environment have the same communication about emotional regulation?
These three steps are key. If we miss the clear messaging how can we expect anything but dysregulation!? It’s too confusing which only brings on more negative emotions. Each step, 1,2, and 3 have very detailed challenging efforts and take time but all are essential. Until the educational systems can focus on these three points to make children, teachers, and parents successful, we will continue to lose teachers and the dysfunctional classrooms will continue.
