Look for (teeny-tiny) Positivity!
How in the world can you begin by seeing the best in someone when they are being their worst?! Whenever children or coworkers would lash out and the “victim” would come to me (and rightfully so) complain, I would ask them, what is one positive quality that you can give me about that person? Something very simple like, “Are they consistent?” or “Do they love giving hugs?” Simple qualities that may seem absolutely insignificant in that moment of frustration and frankly a little enraging even trying to focus on. By turning your mind to something “positive” about that person you are humanizing them and seeing that it is okay that they make mistakes. When you get caught in that negative loop and spin and spin about the things that person does to frustrate you it is impossible to see them as anything but human. Breaking that loop enables you to really come away from processing negativity and focusing on moving forward in a productive way .
Trust me, I have had that coworker that makes a lot of mistakes. I will never forget walking into a classroom where the children were literally on top of the tables having a dance party while the teacher was sitting looking at her phone. I have also had the child in my classroom that throws chairs every single day-these are challenging situations to be able to see any inkling positivity. But, it is there, I promise! For the teacher that was looking at her phone, I had a small chat with her outside of the classroom. “I am curious, what are your future goals? What is your dream job?” You will never guess what she said to me… “I want to be a professional wrestler!” When she got to tell me this, her eyes lit up! She was absolutely thrilled to share! She showed me pictures, videos and from that point I was able to reach her to help her understand the importance of supervision. I truly believe it was because I was able to see her positive, human side and trust that she wasn’t there to fail, she needed tools to be successful.
For the chair throwing child, the positivity I found was that he loved Pokémon. I asked him if he could teach all of his friends all he knows about them and he was stoked. I allowed him to assign each one of his friends a character and they all began using those as nicknames. And in case you are wondering, YES! It worked! No chairs were ever thrown that year again!
Take a deep breath in those moments of frustration and ask yourself, how can I find the smallest bit of positive aspect of this person? It’s a great start in the right direction!
